Book: 注文の多い料理店 – The Restraunt of Many Orders ( It’s in the Japanese common domain, so this shouldn’t breaking any copyright laws)

Author: 宮沢 賢治 (Kenji Miyazawa )

Source: Aozora.gr.jp (and here’s where I learned how to put this document on my Kindle)

First Sentence:

二人の若い紳士が、すっかりイギリスの兵隊のかたちをして、ぴかぴかする鉄砲をかついで、白熊のような犬を二疋つれて、だいぶ山奥の、木の葉のかsかsしたとこを、こんなことを云いながら、あるいておりました。

Phrasal Breakdown (with Kanji reading):

二人の若い紳士が (ふたり／わか.い／しんし): Two young gentlemen

すっかりイギリスの兵隊のかたちをして (へいたい): Completely English soldier form do

ぴかぴかする鉄砲をかついで (てっぽう): Shining gun shouldered

白熊のような犬を二疋つれて (しろくま／いぬ／にひき): Polar bear like dogs two led

だいぶ山奥の (やまおく): Great mountain recess’s

木の葉のかさかさしたとこを(き／は): Tree leaves rustled when

こんなことを云いながら、あるいておりました。(いい): These things say while, walk descended

How is I think it would be said in English:

Two young gentlemen – the very visage of English soldiers: shinning guns shouldered, and leading two polar-bear like dogs – when the leaves on the trees were rustling, spoke these things as they  descended the great mountain recess.

How would you translate it differently? I haven’t looked at the (numerous) translations available online, but let me know if you can find a way to keep “great mountain recess” where it belongs in the middle of the passage. Are there any kanji you think I’ve read wrong? The book provides fuirgana for most of the kanji, so I’m pretty confident of my word choice here. You can see that I’m avoiding any notations on grammar. Sorry, I’m quite chicken and see no reason to so publicly expose myself. You’re happy to muse on the subject though.  Since I’m forced to find it interesting I may even venture a guess if prompted to.